It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
