I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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