I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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