I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
