Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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