you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
