dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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