He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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