gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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