I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
