I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
