Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
