if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
