What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
