Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
