this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
