I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
