i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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