I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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