why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's get the cat blown out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
