trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
