he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize