friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
