If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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