is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
