youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
