Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
