I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
