Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
