please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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