You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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