Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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