the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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