this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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