69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
