If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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