Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
