Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
