Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
