I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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