Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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