whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
