now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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