I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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