I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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