we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
