I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
