I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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