I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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