Who did Billy Mays play for?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
