Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
