I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The uberlube is also flammable
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
