I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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