he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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