He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
being pregnant is like rehab
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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