I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
