can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
