so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You smell like stripper and shame
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just crazy horny about you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
