I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
