i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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